3 months post-op: Update

Hey Everybody! Sorry it's taken me a while to update. I've been very busy with work and a few other things lately. I want to give a general update as well as talk about my pubic lift and a possible revision I'm seeking for one testicle that's a bit lower then the other. I'm going to separate this into two different blog posts just so the people who only want to read the pubic lift stuff wont have to do any scrolling around.

Update - 

So at this point, life is totally back to normal. I can do everything that I did pre-op. I can run for miles without anything bothering me down there. I can ride the exercise bike at the gym. I can lift. I can sleep on my stomach. etc. etc. I would say by the 7 week mark I was back to almost doing everything I just listed except the exercise bike I waited till recently to really give a try.

As for sensation, this is awkward to talk about so openly, but I said I would tell it ALL and in the hopes of being honest to other trans men out there I'm going to say it. Yes, it all works! lol Surprisingly, a lot of trans guys ask me if I have "any" sensation. I've actually never heard of any specific guy who has had metoidioplasty lose sensation. Not that it's impossible (a surgeon could always screw up) but the way guys ask me, you'd think it happens all the time. On the contrary, I've talked to hundreds of men who have had this surgery and not a single one has lost sensation, so obviously it does NOT happen often. (Those men may be getting confused with phalloplasty. But even with phallo, you CAN certainly have sensation in your phalloplasty, it just depends on what donor site you chose.) It just reminds me that there are a lot of ridiculous myths about FTM lower surgery but, that's why I'm writing this blog.

Back to my penis, it has lovely sensation! There is definitely no problem in that department. It is just as sensitive as it was pre-op maybe even more so now. Being intimate with it is certainly different than it was before because now it can be interacted with differently, but that is certainly a good thing! It definitely has increased my pleasure. I've heard of some guys saying that it was very different masturbating after meta surgery and that they had to "re-learn" how to masturbate because of the reconfiguration of things. But I haven't really had that problem. I requested "as much foreskin as possible" to my surgeon lol And for me masturbating mostly consists of moving the foreskin around so maybe that's why it's easy but honestly I find it even easier to masturbate now then I did pre-op. I have also received oral sex post-op and currently blow jobs are the reason why I exist. lol No but seriously, even though my penis is tiny, the reconfiguration of my genitals just makes oral sex feel so much better and look way sexier. I love it and it's wonderful.

Overall things are looking great and I'm really happy! (I am however considering a very minor revision on one of my testicles which I will explain in my next post.) I did lose some thickness in my penis as all the swelling came down. Haha, but I expected that. And even though it's less thick now, it's nice not having the swelling because now it's softer and moves around a lot more freely. I'll be honest, it's small. lol Like tiny, but I think it's a beautiful tiny penis. I feel very comfortable. My self esteem about my body has gone through the roof. I look in the mirror and what I see is beautiful. It's like having this little package makes any other parts of my body that I was self conscious about before not really matter. I thought the novelty would wear off by now, but I'm still constantly checking myself out in the mirror. lol I may still seek out phalloplasty down the road (when it hopefully becomes covered by insurance) because of size, but my meta surgery has extremely reduced body dysphoria for me. There are other aspects of dysphoria that probably never fully 100% go away, like the fact that I'm short and have small features. Or the fact that I'm trans. It's my history. I can't change it. I am who I am and I need to accept it, which for the most part I do, but every once in a while I start to feel "less than" a cis-male because I'm trans. Sometimes it makes me feel "different" being trans. I knew going into lower surgery that this was not going to cure those feelings totally. I knew that there were limitations to the surgery; I knew no matter how many surgeries I had my genitals would not be 100% like a cis-male penis and it took some time but I'm okay with that. I've accepted that. And having this surgery, just makes me feel so much more comfortable. It makes me feel a lot less "different." Most importantly, when I'm alone and look in the mirror I think I look beautiful and masculine and I'm so happy. What a terrible feeling it was to feel uncomfortable with my body, even when I was alone. Now, just having this little package, a penis and balls, it's just perfect.

Now, don't get me wrong and I can't stress it enough, this is a tiny penis. lol I don't want trans men to think I strayed them into believing metidioplasty created a huge penis. (Hell, it's not even an average size penis.) It's not huge in the physical sense, but it made a huge impact on how I feel and relate to my body. So if you're a trans man, sitting there, believing in your heart that the only way you'll feel complete is to have an averaged size (or larger) penis, then I'd recommend you look into phalloplasty. Again, I haven't wrote off phalloplasty for some far off time in the future where I'm either rich or U.S. health insurance covers it lol, but for right now, this meta surgery was attainable and exactly what I needed to feel right in my skin. If you'd like to read more about my decision making process on getting metoidioplasty instead of phalloplasty I'd suggest you check out my old blog post:  Why This Procedure?

So that's about it for my general update. My next post which I might even do later on today is going to be about the pubic lift (aka mons resection) and my possible minor revision on one of my testicles.

Any questions, feel free to leave a comment.

Take care.