Surgery Day/Surgery Experience (Detailed)

Okay, it is the morning of Wednesday, July 31, 2013. I am getting close to 48 hours post op and I'm now feeling ready to write up a nice detailed entry about surgery! I apologize if I ramble a bit or if I don't make sense at any point. I'm still on medication. I'll edit this some where down the line, I just really want to write everything while it's all still fresh in my mind. All right, here we go!

I'll start from Sunday (the day before surgery). So Sunday morning my friends Kendra and Lauren came to my house and we left from good old Massachusetts around 9:15am. Lauren and I took turns driving to Cleveland, Ohio. Took some stops along the way for bathroom breaks, gas breaks, and a quick lunch and dinner. Arrived in Cleveland at our hotel around 9:00pm. We checked in and brought all our stuff up to the room. Room is beautiful by the way. Nice and roomy. Smells great. Clean. Nice big TV. So many plugs everywhere it's awesome. TV has an easy hook up to plug in my Xbox360. So I set everything up and we went out to the nearby Super Walmart. I had all ready bought a lot of groceries but there was a few things I wanted to pick up like those plates of sliced fruits and some yogurts. I wanted to make sure I was eating fruits and other healthy stuff post-op but I knew if it was anything hard to prepare or eat that I wouldn't want to so the cut up fruit tray helped with that. and I couldn't bring it in the long car ride which is why I picked it up at Walmart. My friends also needed to pick up their groceries at Walmart.

We came back to the hotel. I had my 'last meal' lol because I couldn't have anything to eat or drink after Midnight. I woke up the next morning (soooo thirsty but couldn't drink lol) and I took a shower. I couldn't wear any deodorant (or lotions but I never do anyways). I dressed in comfy clothes and sneakers. I had a very light pair of mesh gym shorts and a T-shirt. I very anxiously waited for it to be 10:30 so I could leave for the hospital. Lauren drove us to the hospital because I was so nerved up. lol I brought a little plastic bag with my plugs (earrings), lip ring, and deodorant for after surgery though I didn't end up putting in or using any of that until back at the hotel anyway. I also brought a jock strap per my surgeon's orders.

We got to the hotel. It's a huge medical center. It took us a few to find the actual building we needed to be in but we were early anyways so it was fine. We get to the waiting room and were sitting there. I was freaking out. I started crying. lol Kendra held me, reassured me I was not going to die. I'm a worrier. It's in my nature. I wasn't worried about bad results or anything like that. I was and still am very confident and comfortable in my surgeon's abilities. I was just scared about having surgery. I've had surgery once before, for my chest, but I was still pretty scared about dying. It's always a possibility that you'll die during surgery but realistically it's very unlikely. I calmed down after a couple minutes. They finally called me into the pre-op room.

Nurses took my vitals. My blood pressure was 153/98!!!!! That is way high for me. I was nervous as heck. The nurses were really nice though. I felt like I was in good hands. They joked with me and made me feel okay. They comforted me. They had me get into a Johnny, footies, and one of those blue caps. They ran the IV and I was really scared of that because I hate IVs but the lady did a good job of it. They called Kendra and Lauren to come and sit with me in there while they gave me lots of fluids via the IV. The nurses asked me a million questions. The anesthesiologist came in and also asked me a bunch of questions. My surgeon came in, asked me a few questions. He checked things out really quick and made some marks on me. This was his first time seeing my genitals in person. I met him one time at the First Event conference in Boston and talked with him a little but we never had an in person consultation. He had me e-mail him high quality photos of my genitals and from the pictures he determined that I was a good candidate for this surgery. We also had a phone consultation about a week prior to surgery where he went over everything with me and answered any questions I had. I all ready knew almost everything I needed to know before that though because I had listened to his presentation at First Event and I had been e-mailing him ever since with all my random questions. He is amazing at getting back to you via your email inquiries.

So after that I just waited with my friends for probably about an hour. The anesthesiologist came back and gave me some medicine to relax me and then they took me to surgery. I know she said she wasn't going to start putting me to sleep until I was all ready in the operating room but honestly I don't remember ever seeing the operating room. lol So I'm assuming I knocked out pretty quickly.

Surgery took 4 hours. I haven't talked to my surgeon so I'm not sure why it took longer than expected. He anticipated 2-3 hours. He said usually it takes about 2.5 but I ended up in there for 4. No idea why. The nurses said nothing went wrong so I don't know why. I'll have to ask him next time I talk to him. Anyways, I woke up in the recovery room. I guess I had been in the recovery room for about 2 hours. I woke up and was extremely out of it. I was very disoriented, dizzy and confused but had no pain at all in my penis or testicles. Just soreness on the incision for my pubic lift when the recovery nurse started having me move. (For reference, the pubic lift is a horizontal incision across the pubic area where my surgeon cut some skin out and lifted the whole genital area up and sewed that horizontal incision shut. This lifts the penis and balls so that it is in a more masculine position in the front of the body, rather then in between the legs where a female bodied person's genitals usually are located. It is very helpful and making everything be where it's supposed to but it feels really sore and tight because they pulled everything upwards and sewed it!) She helped stand me up and then sat me in a reclining chair. She had me sit for a few minutes, honestly I have no concept of time so I don't know how long but it seemed very short. They had put me in the jockstrap while I was still under anesthesia, I guess? Because I woke up wearing it I think unless they did it while I was half out of it. They actually might have, I can't really remember. Either way the jock strap was put on me at some point. And while I was in the chair they pulled the jock strap down and showed me my new genitals! I was happy but mind you I couldn't lean forward at all whatsoever because of the pubic lift incision which makes the whole area very tight and sore. Because I couldn't lean forward and because the pubic area and penis was so swollen I couldn't see the balls at all! I remember distinctly asking the nurse "Are there balls in there?" lol To which she very politely replied, "Yes there are two testicular implants." lol

They called in Kendra and Lauren. They gave them a bunch of post-op directions, thank God they told them because I would have never remembered. Then I had to pee so the nurse walked me over to the bathroom. My legs were like jello! I was super dizzy but the nurse guided me all the way there, brought me to the bathroom. But then she left me at the toilet alone to pee and I was like way too high for that. So I sat down and peed but I know something went wrong, I can't remember what it was. Maybe I was confused about how to wipe or maybe I couldn't get the jock strap. Maybe I was just scared cuz blood was dripping and anytime I see blood I freak out and think somethings wrong. lol I can't remember what it was exactly, I just know I ended up needing her help. I called for her but she couldn't hear me. There was probably a bell to ring but I was super disoriented at this point so I didn't think of that. I knocked on the door from the inside but still nothing so then I just opened the door and like anyone around there so me very naked because I was just standing at the door, jockstrap around my knees, dripping blood and looking nasty lol The resident sitting at the desk definitely saw all of my goods and services. lol So the nurse was waiting right outside the door and when I opened it she saw I needed help so she came in and helped me. That's when this second nurse who was super super nice came in to help. One lady helped me stay stable while the other grabbed me some baby wipes and they told me not to wipe but just dab the area so I did. Then they walked me back to the reclining chair I was in before.

They got me graham crackers and ginger ale and regular crackers. I ate them all and drank the ginger ale. I didn't feel nauseous or anything. They showed my friends how to empty my drain tube. The nurse like managed to splash so much of my drain blood/fluid everywhere and in hindsight it's really kinda funny but also very gross. At the time I was way too messed up and out of it to be phased by it. But looking back it was like on the arm of the chair, on the food table, on my leg. lol very gross. The other nurse came with alcohol pads and was wiping the areas where the blood splashed. Then the nurses got me situated and then the really super nice nurse helped get me in a wheel chair. I felt safe with that nurse because I could tell she cared. Not that the other nurse didn't, but I just felt like the other nurse was more robotic whereas this second nurse just went above and beyond for me. She ended up offering to take over I think it was so the other nurse could go do something else. I kept telling her how grateful I was and how awesome she was. And she kept complimenting me. I don't remember the words she used but basically she was telling me that I was like inspiring and awesome because I'm trans. She didn't use those exact words, she couldn't say the words trans because we were like in the hospital and she was pushing me in the wheel chair so she obviously didn't want to out me but she was basically saying it without saying it. Like just telling me, she thought I was awesome and strong for doing what I was doing. We had a 'moment.' You know? lol For real, I wish I could remember what was actually said. Some point during this time I was starting to get feeling back in my genitals. The nurses told me they used Novocaine to numb the area and that I'd slowly start getting feeling back. While I was at the hospital the underside of my penis started to hurt. I would later see that's because there are tons of stitches on the underside of my penis. Yukky! But it didn't hurt too bad, it was just a little. They gave me a percocet before I left the hospital. They offered to give me pain medication via the IV but I didn't feel like I needed it. Speaking of which, if anyone's wondering the Dr. prescribed me 5mg percocets and told me to take 1-2 every four hours as needed. He also prescribed antibiotics for me to take 4 times a day for the next 7 days to prevent infection.

Anyways, they get me in the car. And then we went to Walmart to fill the script. I was feeling quite good. Kendra held my hand and stayed right by me. We walked very slowly, me kind of waddling and walking like a cowboy, we walked to the pharmacy. While the script was being filled me and Kendra walked a little. It felt good to stretch my legs and use them. Also, one of the ER nurses before surgery was going on and on about how I needed to do a lot of walking post-op to prevent blood clots but then the recovery room nurses were like "a nurse told you to walk around a lot? no, you're really not supposed to do a ton of walking." so we checked with my surgeon's office and the recovery room nurses were right, they said, I should do my normal walking, like walk to the bathroom walk to do the "normal" things I would do but don't do tons of walking like any excessive walking more so then I would usually do because my body really needs to heal. So basically that first nurse in the ER didn't know what she was talking about. Let that be a lesson to listen to the orders of your doctor's staff and your doctor himself because a lot of times doctors work out of big facilities with nurses who aren't specifically familiar with your procedure and they might give you the wrong advice. Luckily, no harm no foul, we found out that I shouldn't do a ton of walking before leaving the hospital. So I've just been doing a little walking. While at Walmart it felt real good to use my legs. I guess they were up in stirrups all surgery long so like the pinky toes on both feet were like numb/pins and needles for whatever reason. I guess the position they had my feet in but so walking was nice and at the time the Novocaine hadn't fully worn off so I wasn't in much pain. While at Walmart I bought an extra pillow.

Then they took me home. I got into bed. I have a laptop tray to keep my laptop off of my genitals. Peeing was really rough for the first day because its hard to get in and out of bed and then to get on the toilet. And the actual act of peeing burned really bad for the first day or so because during surgery they put a catheter in so it irritates the urethra and what not. Oh and because there is so much swelling down there when I pee the stream is just absolutely insane. lol Like I end up peeing all over my thighs and butt. But I have unscented baby wipes and I just pat the genital area very gently and wipe my legs and butt.

The first few days every time I pulled down the jock strap, there was lots of bleeding. It was really gross. I was scared because I worry about everything so I was paranoid but I talked to my doctors office on the phone and described it to them and they said I was fine. At this point I'm almost completely not bleeding anymore. I only have one section on my right testicle where I still have a tiny bit of blood dribble out sometimes. Otherwise no more bleeding.

I have a drain tube and that needed to be emptied every 4 hours for the first 24 hours and the amount that was in it needed to be recorded. My friend Lauren helped me with all of that. At this point not much is coming out anymore and I only need to empty it about twice a day.

That first night I was in very little pain. I had some achy moments but for the most part I was just fine. very comfortable. I had to slowly progress to solid foods so that first night all I ate was yogurt, crackers, and Ensure nutrition shakes. I had no problem with nausea. I did have to pee a whole lot which was very annoying because it hurt and was hard to get in and out of bed. lol but it was manageable. Kendra and Lauren helped me a lot.

By the way, I really underestimated how much help I was going to need for this surgery. They had to help remind me about meds, and ice packs, and emptying drains, and dressing and cleaning and basically everything! But you can read more about that when I write up about some of the follow up care. lol This will be it for now. Pretty detailed story of surgery day. Next I'll write about how healing has been going since surgery and how follow up care has been.